I am a traditionally married woman. That means I dated a man and married a man. I was born a female and remain a female. Like most people, there were many times throughout my life when I’d catch myself thinking that if I was a boy life would somehow be easier; or I’d think that I’m lucky to be a girl because we are so much smarter than boys. Other times, I’ve felt that if I were a guy, it would be easier to lead my family. Then again, at various times I wished I was taller, had super straight hair, dimples, green eyes, a British accent and prettier toe nails. Doesn’t everyone have moments when they wish something about themselves was different? All those thoughts and feelings, however, will never change the fact that I was born a female and remain one to this day. I should not have to apologize for thinking this way nor should I be made to feel wrong for saying it or standing by it.
This current age of sexual confusion is really turning into a mess! By its very nature, sex is meant to be shared privately. So, what you do sexually with whomever is your business, as long as there are no victims there. Why is it turning into everyone else’s business? In a victim-less situation it’s your body, your bedroom, your partner, your business; not something to be put in the law books. To be honest, I don’t want to know what you are doing in your sex life. In fact, the less I know, the better. It’s none of my business and I like it that way.
Yet, our society has been increasingly subjected to the sexual propensities of random people, most of whom are not in any way connected to us. Via protests, parades, and activism we are being told that there are people who have nontraditional sexual attractions and activities and we are made to dwell in a place of sexual deviance that is simply not necessary. People who want to express their sexuality have every right to do so as long as it does not infringe upon the sensitivities of others. It is equally as inappropriate for a heterosexual to TMA discuss or engage in sexual activities in public as it is for a homosexual or pansexual to do so. Keep it in private.
Picture someone – not a friend or particularly close associate – sharing with you that they have no sexual feelings or associations (asexual); are sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex (heterosexual); are sexually attracted to people of their own sex (homosexual); are sexually attracted to both men and women (bisexual); or are sexually attracted to a person of any sex or gender (pansexual). Upon hearing that, you might be left wondering why they’re telling you who they wanted to have sexual relations with. After all, your sexuality is only one small piece of who you are as a human being. So, why is it becoming a defining human factor used to categorize us?
You might see that these terms have something in common: Sex. They define what you do sexually; not what you think, believe, or do for work. In fact, isn’t the sexual partner you choose what defines you as one of these terms? Without the sexual component, these terms would not even exist. Whether you choose to call yourself asexual, bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, or any other sexual, it’s still sexual. And again, your business. What does it have to do with the price of tea in China? Keep it to yourself and your own intimate circles, please.
Sexual is defined as relating to the instincts, physiological processes, and activities connected with physical attraction or intimate physical contact between individuals. Individuals. So, why am I and the rest of the world being dragged into discussions and legal battles over the sexual inclinations of an individual? Again, nunya (none of your business).
Now, about gender. Gender is defined as the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones). There are two genders: male and female. With the exception of intersex births, science is in agreement on the identification of these genders. We have all been taught that he, she, and her refer to females, girls and women; while he, him, and his refer to males, boys and men. I would venture that most people don’t know how to use the pronouns ze, zir, emself, hir and xe, and maybe haven’t even heard of them. Therefore, if you look female you should not be surprised if people respectfully use the word Miss or Ma’am with you. If you don’t like that, a simple, respectful correction would be in order. The same way I would correct someone who called me Mrs. when I wasn’t married. No big deal. No drama. No hurt feelings. No insulted indignation.
Now, if you want to identify in some other way, that is your prerogative and I have no problem with that. However, it is unrealistic for you to be insulted or to rally for laws to punish people who don’t know the ins and outs of the ever-changing dialect, vocabulary, and pronouns being bandied about; especially when the same person fluidly changes their preferred pronouns. The truth is, it’s difficult to discern what someone wants to be called, what they identify with or what they think of themselves unless they tell you. And once told, it’s easy enough to learn on a case by case basis – the same way we learn, forget, are reminded, and finally remember new names.
I guess I don’t understand all the drama and outrage over people not knowing or remembering your particular nontraditional gender, pronoun, or sexual orientation. Like in generations gone by, a simple and polite introduction or correction would go a long way. Perhaps it’s time for those making all the changes to our gender and sexuality definitions to show some tolerance for the billions of people who are comfortable with the traditional binary gender roles.